Bug's first "Fall Fun Weekend"!!

It has been awhile since I have blogged...sorry. It has been crazy busy around here. All three of us have been sick this week. Bug is still battling her runny nose and cough (it didn't stop us from having our "Fall Fun Weekend"!!--more on that later).

Adoption update: We had a phone conference with an placement agency in CA. They deal primarily with African American or bi-racial adoptions. We are very happy with them, and are 95% sure we are going to use them. The same day, we had a meeting with a local agency--we are 100% sure we aren't going to use them. It is a long story, but in short, we didn't agree with how they brought their birth mothers in, and it would have probably been more heartbreak for us to use them. They had an extremely high "reclaim" rate (rate at which birth mothers change their mind). We have found a local agency that will do our homestudy and post-placement meetings, we just have to sign our contract with them. We have also been in contact with a lawyer, and are waiting for a call back from her. We need her to review the contract from the CA agency, before we sign on with them. We are hoping to be starting our homestudy in the next few weeks. Our local agency that will do the homestudy usually can be done within a month. This procedure will license us to be foster parents too (we aren't going to do this, but with adoption in our state, you have to be licensed in fostering, so that when the baby is born, it can come home with you instead of going to a foster home for 5wks). That is the short of it for now. This week will bring more updates....

This weekend was so nice. It was nice to just stay home and relax. Daddy and Mommy raked leaves and did the final yard work before the snow flies. We went to the pumpkin farm and picked out our pumpkins. Bug got to play in leaves (wasn't too fond of it...), and feel pumpkin "guts" for the first time. Yes, the pumpkin guts went right into her mouth....yuck. Last night, Mommy made her favorite--baked pumpkin seeds!! I better go and enjoy the rest of the day, while I have some quiet time... (Bug is napping, and Daddy is watching a football game)

Update with pictures from our looonnnggg weekend!

This is my Aunt Mel, in her "Queen of Hearts" costume she used for her motivational speech at the Nurse's Association Seminar.
Here is Bug at the hotel, with her Elvis/Mall hair!! She looks awfully happy--what she doesn't know is that in 24 hours she will be throwing up in my hands!! Lovely.

Bug playing in the car at Grammy and Grandpa's house....She loved getting in and out, and trying to "start" the car with a set of keys!!

This is a perfect example of what a toddler can do in 30 seconds. Sorry, Daddy.

That is all I have for today. Bug is still sleeping. She is going on hour number 12. You don't have to ask me how happy I am about that!!! I didn't hear a peep from her all night (maybe that's because I was so wiped out, and slept through any crying she might have done!!!). I guess the antibiotics are helping her. I will update more tomorrow after our meetings with the agencies.

One crappy hotel, a pair of broken glasses, 3 hours of screaming and a hand--ful of puke!!

Ok, I was going to upload some pictures from our eventful weekend, but the blogger-picture-uploading-thingy isn't working properly. I will add those on tomorrow.

No more updates on the adoption road yet, we just have our two appointments on Wednesday with two different agencies.

We did our combined visiting trip this weekend. We visited DH's family first, then my family. My Aunt Mel (who is from the D.C area) happened to be in town speaking at the Nurse's Association, so I was able to visit her, and listen to her speech. It was hilarious. The visit with the in-laws went lovely, then we were on the road to visit my family. Because my Aunt Mel and Uncle Gary were heading there too (they were going to stay at my grandma's house), we were planning on staying at a friends house. Well, my friend called me to let me know that we were still welcome to stay, but that she was just at urgent care, and has strep. NO THANK-YOU. So, we arrive at Great-Grandma's house, and I start calling around to see what hotels have a room available. We are cheap, so we opt for the $44 a night place, and decide to stay till Monday. Fine.

We get to the hotel, and the wallpaper in the bathroom is peeled about 6-7 inches from the wall. I don't want to even think about the nasty germs that are in that room. (I am sure we have all seen the "48 Hours" where they take the "bluelight" to the bedspread, doorknob, etc, and show you what kind of germs are there...)Bug is officially not allowed anywhere in that room, except in her pack-n-play!!! It worked out though, as we were only there to sleep, and shower. As planned, Sunday morning my mom, sister, myself, and Aunt Mel head to the big annual craft fair at the university. That was a good time. I actually got quite a bit of Christmas shopping done. Fast forward to Monday morning. DH is in the shower, I am packing up the hotel room. Bug is on the bed "reading" some books. I turn my back for maybe 40 seconds, until I realize she has been quiet for way too long. I turn around, and she has Daddy's glasses in two (almost three) pieces (I will post a picture of that later). One bow was completely twisted around to the opposite side, she popped the lens out, and broke the little plastic "wire" that runs along the bottom of the lens, that holds it in the frame. Yikes. I gently broke the news to Daddy, who wasn't very happy with Mommy.

And we are off to Great-Grandma's house for breakfast. As always, it was loud and crazy, but by now Bug was more than happy to join in, with what we call her "church" voice! We headed home after lunch, and Bug was napping before we even hit the highway. We were so excited. That lasted about 40 minutes. Bug decided she would scream for the remaining 3hrs and 20 minutes of the trip. It was such a joy. Needless to say, I was ready for a drink when we finally got home.
By the time we were home, her nose was running, and she was congested. At 11pm, I am sitting on the floor in the bathroom with her, and running the hot shower, to try to steam the mucus out of her lungs. She was up the entire night. She threw up twice, once in my hand (hey, at least it didn't hit the floor!!). This morning, I took her to the doctor (which she absolutely LOVES), and she has an ear infection and a sinus infection. LOVELY. A nice beginning to the week....I am going to go take a nap.

Eventually, some things come full circle....

For those who know me real well have probably heard me talk about a little girl from our church who got her angel wings at the age of 13. She went to heaven in July of 2005, succumbing from brain cancer. Her name was Laura. I never had the privilege of meeting her, but still think of her almost daily. I have always wanted to tell her parents how much of an inspiration she was to me, but is there ever a good time, when you loose a child in such a horrible way? Fast forward to yesterday...

A friend of mine was having surgery at our local hospital. Before I left home, I realized my shirt was spattered with leftover lunch Bug decided she wanted me to taste. On a whim, I grabbed a t-shirt. It happened to be a t-shirt that I purchased at a concert fundraiser for Laura a little over a month before she died. (To this day, if I am having a bad day, and feel like I need more strength, I wear this t-shirt.) On the back of the t-shirt were quotes from this little girl who, I am pretty sure, had more faith than most of us. In trying to find my friend's hospital room, I pass the nurses desk. I was reminded that Laura's Mom worked at the local hospital, and thought the woman at the desk looked familiar. Later, during our visit with my friend, in walks Laura's Mom. We small-talked, but I decided at that time, that when I leave I will make sure to let her know how Laura changed and inspired me.

After our visit was over (Bug was running around crazily), I stopped out there and talked to Laura's Mom. I explained how much we have struggled with trying to build our family, and how much Laura gave me hope and inspiration. I struggled to not cry, but it was such a good feeling to finally be able to let her know how much hope her daughter brought to me. I explained how I used to wear this t-shirt to every single procedure appointment, just to remind me of the strength this little girl had. (the IVF nurses probably thought I only owned one shirt!!) My thought was (and still is...) "If this little girl can go through all the pain of chemo, radiation, blindness, and all the other nasty things that come along with cancer, I can certainly get through this petty IVF stuff, right?" Just wearing it made me think of Laura, and the awesome strength and love for God she had. Laura's Mom was so appreciative of this and said she always loves to hear these type of stories. We were glad to finally meet. It is amazing how, even in death, Laura gives hope.

--"No problems are big enough to hate life, I love my life. If I hadn't gotten cancer and lost my sight, I wouldn't have met all these wonderful people. I can be negative or I can be positive, and I am going to choose the positive, I will make today a good day. I have prayers in my heart and an angel on my shoulder. I just let God take care of everything."--Quotes from Laura

Wrapping Christmas Presents?!?!?!

This week was interesting. It started out with the unhappy news of a negative pregnancy test, and ended with one adoption application submitted (out of state agency), one adoption orientation scheduled (local) and another one in the works (local). It is exciting, yet overwhelming. It is amazing how much goes into the adoption process. I am sure we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg, too!!

Bug had been quite the handful recently. I think she has finally re-adjusted to having just Mommy and Daddy around. She is in the process of cutting three molars at the same time. I am thinking that may have something to do with her cranky disposition. :-) This picture is of Bug telling ghost stories before bedtime!!

DH is going to be volunteering for Habitat for Humanity tomorrow for six hours. I am going to be wrapping Christmas gifts when Bug takes her nap in the afternoon. Why, you ask??? There is only so much adoption reading you can do before you need a break. My eyeballs are starting to cross!!!

It's a Bug-Sandwich!!!

Here is a picture of Bug with Grammy and Grandpa, taken this past Saturday. It was nice to have them both here (and Andrew too!!).

We are beginning the looooonnnnngggg journey of adoption. I am pretty sure I haven't made it through my grieving process yet, as I get going on the adoption stuff, then have a crying spell. Going into unfamiliar territory is scary...

We have been in contact with three agencies already. Two local, and one out of state. All have domestic infant programs, and two have bi-racial/African-American programs. We have one orientation set up for the first week in November, and one that we will probably set up for next week. We are on the road....I just hope and pray, that we have minimal bumps.

We are just blessed to have our daughter...

After a month and a half of Dr appts, needle sticks, IV's, ultrasounds and lots of waiting, we are sad to say, that this cycle did not work. I am not pregnant. We are obviously very sad, and are discussing what our next step will be. The obvious step would be adoption, but a part of me is not ready to let go of the fact that I may never be pregnant again, ever. That fact is extremely hard to deal with. I know GOD has a plan, and this just must not have been in HIS plan. Easy to say, hard to swallow...

For now, we are going to keep this blog up. It may not be updated as often as it was previously, but it will still be here. We are leaning towards adoption, so we will update as things start to happen. Plus, I can still put updated pictures of Bug on here, right??

Thank-You to all our friends and family for their thoughts and prayers. Thank-You to Grandma Kris, and Grammy for taking time to come and help us while I was on bed rest. WE LOVE YOU BOTH!! Throughout this, we are remembering that we have a beautiful daughter, who we both love with all our hearts. She is such a blessing to us, and brings us constant joy. Her smile and infectious laugh is what will get me through the next couple of weeks...

Five days to go...

So, here I sit with nothing more to say really...Grammy made it here this afternoon via Amtrak. I asked her to describe the trip in one word--she said "relaxing". Maybe we will try taking the Amtrak somewhere sometime...although, with a toddler, no trip is "relaxing, regardless of the mode of transportation.

No new news. The next step in this process is two consecutive blood draws. I go in Saturday morning for the first one, then the final one on Monday. To be pregnant, they need to see an increase in HcG levels in my blood, between the two days. Monday will be a long day. DH is taking the day off, because regardless of the results, we are always together to get the news. We get the news via a message in our assigned voice mail box with the Dr's office. We will either be going out for a celebratory dinner, or remembering the blessing that Bug is to us, and the immense joy she has brought to our lives. She is truly the love of our lives....

Counting the texture bumps on the wall...

Yes, I am going nuts. I am stuck on the upper level of the house, as that is the level where everything is--bathroom, kitchen, Bug's room, and our room (DH added a TV to our room to make this time tolerable for me). I really don't have anything to say...My mom left this afternoon to head back home. It was nice to have mom here for a couple of days, not only to help with Bug, but to get some quality Mom-Daughter time. Thanks, Mom.

Grammy (DH's mom) will be arriving tomorrow and staying till Sunday. Grammy is looking forward to spending some much needed time with Bug, and we are looking forward to spending some time with Grammy. Grandpa is coming on Saturday, then they will both leave to head home on Sunday. I have a feeling that Bug will have a culture shock when all the grandparents are done visiting, and she is stuck with just plain Mom and Dad. It is such a help for us though...Thank you so much!!!

I will not bore you with anything else, because, well frankly, I have nothing. I have 6 days of waiting to go....AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!