My beautiful Grandma...

This has been by far one of the toughest weeks of my life. On Wednesday, August 27th at noon, my dear Grandmother became a heavenly angel. Not only was she my Gramma (or gram-crackers as I sometimes called her), but I always thought of her as my second mother. We were so close...my heart aches that she is no longer here. My solace is that she is not in pain anymore, she went how she wanted to (in her sleep), and she is rejoicing in Heaven.

I got the call that she had been life-flighted to the (big, fancy) hospital on Tuesday morning at 7am. She had gone into the (local) ER on Monday night around 11pm, complaining of severe leg/hip/back pain. Long story short, they gave her some morphine for the pain. Right before she fell asleep, she complained of a severe headache on her right side (she told the nurse about 3x's I guess). She fell asleep, and when they tried to wake her, she didn't wake up. They gave her some medicine to offset the morphine, and nothing. The doctor ordered a head scan which showed a major brain bleed (which was still bleeding--two hours after she complained of the "headache"). That is when they life-flighted her to the "fancy" hospital (the same one my dad was at for his 2 abdominal aortic aneurysms--so we know they can work miracles!). Anyway, upon arrival, the doctors assessed her, and basically she was already brain dead. This is when I get the call, and I called DH and he came home. We packed up the kiddos and drove down to say goodbye. Once we were all there, we prayed over her, said our goodbyes, and had the Dr's take out the respirator. That was at 4pm on Tuesday. The doctors were convinced that she wouldn't even take any breaths...boy were they wrong! This stubborn Norwegian breathed on her own, till noon on Wednesday. The Lord was ready for her in Heaven... it's just that none of us here were ready to see her go.

She was very strong in her faith, and always knew she would meet Jesus someday. In recent weeks, she would tell people that "she was ready now..." because she had so much leg pain (from her broken hip in november of 06'). When I hear that, it makes me sad and happy. Sad because she isn't here to talk to, hug, kiss, and see her hold and interact with her great-grandchildren. Happy because I know she in pain-free, and singing her favorite hymns with the angels...

Bug keeps saying "Mommy Kie (cry)?" "Mommy, all done kie?" It breaks my heart everytime I hear her say it, yet sometimes I just have to let the tears flow...

I miss my Grams so much...already, I have caught myself saying or doing something that reminds me of her (and then the tears). It had been awhile since I had talked to her--which is not the norm for me. Normally, I talk to her about once a week. Life had just gotten so busy for awhile there...and I faltered on calling her. I have to live with that. I imagine it will take me awhile to forgive myself for that. I am a firm believer that we should always tell those closest to us our feelings and what they mean to us, because you never know what tomorrow might bring--or even if there will be a tomorrow. I thought I had learned that lesson with my father. Therein lies the irony...