Wednesday, May 26, 2010

HE IS...

Those who know me well, have commented that my facebook updates have changed. The tone of them have changed. I admit, they have. When you are going through a life experience that changes you life, the tone of everything in your life can change. You tend to mature a bit. My actions with this situation are exactly popular with some people. I have love for ALL those involved, but that doesn't change the road I am going to take. My opinion is "until you have walked in my shoes, you don't get a vote". God chose the right timing for us. God has given us this opportunity, and we aren't going to miss out on it now. We have missed out on too much already.

In my past, there have been two other significant life experiences that I KNOW were only designed by God.

The first one was in 2003, when God saved my father two times through very serious injuries. My Dad had an AAA (abdominal aortic aneurysm), and was told he had a "less than 1% chance" of making it through surgery, and if he did make it, he wouldn't walk again, have kidney transplants, etc. Well, after 13 hours of surgery, the surgeon walked out and said..."He shouldn't be alive. I didn't save him. God was whispering in my ear the whole time. God saved him." We were in awe. You see, when I got the news that my Dad had "a heart attack", all I did for the four hour drive to the hospital, was bargain with God. I pleaded to HIM to save my Dad. He, after all, was my only Dad. No one can replace him. God, you have to save him, Please! So, when the surgeon said.."God saved him", all I could do was be thankful that I would get to see my Dad again, alive. Fast forward to current day: my Dad and I have had so many more years than we thought we would ever have. We have had deep conversations. He has gotten to meet my two children. He has been at birthday parties, and many celebrations. God knew I needed those years and conversations with my Dad. God blessed us.

In the fall of 2007, as we got our results from our last IVF, we were sad. The IVF didn't work. I wasn't pregnant. God had other plans. At the same time, not too far away, there was a young teenager who just found out she was pregnant. She knew she couldn't provide for her child, and choose the loving option of adoption. In December, we decided we would start the adoption process. By the end of February, we were approved. Now we just had to wait. By the end of April, we met a prospective birth mom, and halfway through our meeting, she exclaimed "I want you to be parents to my child!" Two months later, I helped coach "H" on the day our son was born. It was amazing. I feel blessed each day, that God has allowed me to be a Mom two different ways--through the birth of our daughter, and through the adoption of our son. Not many women can say that. God knew that IVF wasn't going to work. God knew that "H" was going to need a family for her child. God knew it was us. God knows.

This life experience I am going through now, is so raw, and due to that, I won't put details here. My point is through all of life's experiences, God is there. Good or Bad, HE is there. HE is the same God that walks with you through the valleys. HE is the same God that is there for the happy celebrations. We just have to TRUST HIM. HE Knows. HE Loves. HE IS.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A turning point in my life...

Have you ever dreamed or wished that a person would come into your life, but "knew" it would never happen? Or maybe it could happen, it would just be something short of a miracle? Well, my miracle happened. I have known of this person's existence for about three years. I contacted him through facebook, as a means of getting some resolution from my past. We agreed to be in contact, but to 'take it slow'. After a few months of emails, facebook messages, and one phone call, we knew we had to meet each other. We agreed to meet a few weekends ago, and it was wonderful. I never imagined it could go so well.

He has a wonderful wife and a sweet daughter. We had many very candid, bold conversations--but that is the only way for 'this' to work, we agreed. It was a weekend of healing for both of us, and I was sad to see the weekend end.

For now, my prayers are for strength for both of us, for peace, and for God to continue to show his love to us and our families. God is growing me each day through this. I am so grateful that God gave me this unbelievable gift. One of the last missing pieces of my puzzle has been found, and I feel more complete now, than I have ever felt in my life.

This person, that has chosen to be in my life, to get to know me, who cares for me...biologically, is my brother...but for now, we have alot of healing to do, and I am blessed to call him my friend.

"Trust in the Lord, and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5