Monday, January 5, 2009

Missing you....

Well, I have to admit that the cliche you hear about the first major holiday after the death of a loved one is so very true. This was the hardest Christmas ever. As much as we were rejoicing the miracle of our son that God brought to us through adoption, I felt like a huge part of me was missing this year. It just seems like some days the sadness is too much. It has been a rough past couple of weeks for me--no doubt about it. Lots of tears. Losing my Grandma was like losing another Mom. She was my other Mom. Do you ever wish you could have just five more minutes with someone?

This picture is one of my favorites. This was taken the last time we saw her in July, just about three weeks before she passed away. This is my Grandma--she loved our little Bug so much. She always said that Bug reminded her of me when I was little. Grandma always lit up as soon as Bug came into the room.

So, life has been crazy around here. After the post-Christmas clean up, I have been trying to keep low-key and not schedule so much. Little Man started eating baby food like it is going out of style. One day, just like switching on the light, he started snarfing it down. So far, he has had peaches, pears, sweet potatoes, carrots and bananas. He eats so much, I started making my own baby food. When he eats 2-3 containers of baby food a day, that can get pricey!! My trusty blender is getting a workout and our freezer is full of ice cube sized frozen food. Hey, whatever works!

I want to mention a prayer request. My best friend's husband's--I will call him "Bob"-- family has had a horrible time with cancer. In Bob's family of 7, all five of the men in the family (his father, himself, and his three brothers) have had cancer of some sort (skin, non-Hodgkin's, Hodgkin's, etc). Last Christmas, one of the brothers was diagnosed with a late stage cancer. This Christmas, Bob's only sister was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Now, everyone in their family has had some type of cancer, except Bob's mother. Please pray for healing for everyone. Currently, three of Bob's siblings are fighting this nasty cancer.

At the end of a year, there is alot to reflect on. We shed many happy tears and many sad tears in 2008. I can never thank God enough for all the memories of my Grandma, and all the joy our son has brought us. Some moments from 2008 that I will never forget (in no particular order):

1) The moment that our son's birthmother told us she chose us to be parents to her baby. It was April 28th, at approximately 8:30pm. I would have to say it was the most humbling moment.

2) The day I held my Grandma's hand (August 26th) and told her all that I ever wanted her to know. She was already in a coma, but she squeezed my hand, and I felt as though she wanted me to know she heard me. The next day, holding her chilly hands after she took her last breath. Knowing that she was truely free, I still didn't want to let go of her hands--that would mean I would finally have to say goodbye...

3) The joy and wonder in my daughter's eyes, as she ran down the beach collecting sea shells in Florida, and when she rode her first ride at Disney's Magic Kingdom, the teacups. (early March)

4) Being in the room when Little Man was born (June 21). It was so amazing being able to see my son be born, to such a courageous young lady. Then, a few days later, coming into a room to see a crying young lady holding her precious son whom she loves so much, and knowing that I am the person that will take this baby from her arms and cause her to cry so many more tears.

5) The many times I hear my little Bug give her brother a kiss goodnight, and say..." I love you so so much baby....goodnight."

6) Hearing Bug say the same nighttime prayer that my Grandma taught me.

I could go on....

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